July, 2015

 

BINGO:

          The speaker calls B-14, “Beeeeee-for-teeen”. She repeats the call several times. People move their tokens on the board, or like me sit there silently muttering to themselves, “I hate this card. I’m getting nothing on this. How are you doing Momma?” “I’m not doing too bad, but I can barely see it.” says Mom. She stares intently at the card of numbers and letters. She probably could use some reading glasses. She’s cozily tucked into her wheel chair with a red polar fleece blanket across her legs for warmth. Surveying the room, participation is thin today. This is the main community room/dining area/Bingo Parlor. It’s a large, low ceiling room with the walls tastefully decorated with paintings likely procured from the home styles section of the local “Big Lots” and/or furniture/office outlet. They say nursing homes smell. “I just can’t go in there, the smells.” I’m lucky. My sense of smell is practically nonexistent. A lifetime of allergies and sinus infections has rendered my olfactory senses oblivious to all but the most pungent/rancid insults to the nasal passageways.

          Dad was always saying, go play Bingo with your mother. So I did, maybe not every time, but enough. Sitting there with mom staring at the cards moving tokens around. Making sure she get the numbers right. First, I learned that Bingo is a decent way to gauge peoples mental status, or lack thereof. Mom, has the incentive to get in there and play. She can hear them call the numbers. Then, she can find the numbers on the card, and not only that she makes the connection when she has her winning hand. Oh and when she gets the coverall, the look on her face is simply grand and she talks about it for days. It may not seem like much, but when your parent has dementia. Bingo takes on this whole new meaning and serve as a means to interact and engage with people who might otherwise seem distant (comatose). Give your time to your loved ones, it will help you immeasurably. Bingo is great!

          Bingo has a long and storied history. Its origins can be traced to Italy during the 1530’s. It was called “Il Giuoco del Lotto d’Italia”. The game spread to France and Germany where cards and tokens were introduced. In Germany, the game was used in school to educate children in letters and numbers. The game in Germany acquired the name of “Beano” as they used beans to mark their numbers. Eventually, the game arrived in America where traveling circuses would use it as a quick money making gimmick. Games would last into the wee hours of the morning. Ed Lowe an American toy salesman is credited with creating the Bingo game as it is now played. He happened upon one of the late night carnival games, and from that moment he was hooked. He started by teaching his friends to play and their enthusiasm for the game lead to his commercial success. However, the early cards had too many repeating numbers, and thus multiple winners. To cure this, Lowe enlisted the help of Mr. Leffler a retired mathematician. Lowe desired to have 6000 cards with nonrepeating numbers. This herculean task took several years to accomplish and in the end was costing $100 per card. Finally, at the height of Bingo mania in America Lowe had 64 printing presses working 24 hours a day, and had a thousand employees.

          We didn’t get the elusive “Coverall” today. We played a couple of games, and won some quarters. The “Coverall” is where you cover your entire card with tokens. I wheel mom back to her room and put her to bed, making sure she’s tucked in cozy. Like she used to do for me. I guess everything comes full circle. It makes me sad. I’m grateful to be able to do some things for her, and spend time with her. I sh ould do more.

DEPLOYMENT ORDERS:

          Finally, received my orders in June for 366 days of fun in Southwest Asia. They read like nothing you’ve ever heard of:

LINE 1 UNDER PARTIAL MOBILIZATION AUTHORITY REFERENCE A YOU ARE HEREBY INVOLUNTARILY ORDERED TO REPORT FOR ACTIVE DUTY IAW REFERENCES B THROUGH I FOR A PERIOD OF 366 DAYS, UNLESS RELEASED SOONER BY ISSUING AUTHORITY. THE BOOTS ON GROUND REQUIREMENT FOR THIS EVENT IS 240 DAYS IN THEATER.

It continues in this vein for about 15 pages. The “event” to be is SPMAGTF CC-CR 16.1 and will be taking place in Southwest Asia. Namely Kuwait and Iraq. We are to be the Shock Trauma Platoon Crisis Response portion of the MAGTF. The orders also refer to me as a “candidate”. Like I’ve won a prize, or I’m just one of many options that will be voted on at a date to be announced in the near future. Also, these orders don’t say where I’m going, except for “In support of Operation Enduring Freedom. These orders come with its own gear list. The gear list is an entire page – single spaced. They want me to bring 30 day supplies of shaving cream and toothpaste. I’m ecstatic.

    Line 7G LIST SECURITY CLEARANCES IN ORDERS AS REFLECTED IN A/PUS AND VERIFIED BY UNIT COMMAND. E-6 AND ABOVE MUST HAVE AT A MINIMUM A CURRENT CLEARANCE WITH ADJUDICATION OF SECRET OR TOP SECRET……………………….

    Speaking of clearances, mine expired this year and had to be redone. It was a nightmare. Eight hours of compiling references, previous addresses, old employers, girlfriends, and mistresses. Frantically digging up dates for old parking tickets. You name it, inquiring minds want to know it. How many countries have you visited in the last 10 years – A bunch. Unfortunately, I had to go into great and exquisite detail about everything. Then you click send and off it goes into the State Departments byzantine bureaucracy. It takes them months to get these squared away. I didn’t have the time really to wait, my report day was rapidly approaching. Every day I’m getting hate mail from the higher up. Sir, you’ve got to get this taken care of. Sir, but Sir please have you attended to this URGENT matter? I’m calm, responding “LINE 7.G LEAVE ME ALONE REFERENCE 1A STATES CLEARLY THAT LCDR SHORES SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE ONCE HE HAS SUBMITTED HIS CLEARANCES TO THE HIGHER AUTHORITY AND SHOULD THEREFORE BE ALLOWED TO ENJOY HIS COFFEE AND NEW YORKER MAGAZINE ARTICLES IN RELATIVE PEACE”. Finally, with not a moment to spare, it came throug

REPORTING FOR DUTY:

CS Gas is amazing for your complexion.

          Reporting on July 24^th at the NOSC rushing to complete all the appropriate paperwork and online courses. In due course I get everything done and manage to have plenty of time to go for tacos with my good friends Rusty & Misty Kirby, Sara & Kane and others. Sunday morning plane flight at 0900. Waffle House with my Sister Faye and Scott. They drive my car home for me which is awesome. Camp Lejeune NMPS, Navy Marine Processing Center! Here we are vaccinated and molested. This is where we humble reservists are duly transmorgafied into full blooded, rip roaring, active duty types with all privileges and benefits. It’s mostly painless. We ate sushi. There about 5 of us officer types. I’m the only nurse. I haven’t met my counterparts yet they’re in California. It takes about 5 days to get us through the process. I was worried about my Cholesterol being too high, but it was fine. They’ll get you on the little things, and send you home for good. All the time and effort to get ready wasted! However, honestly this go round I had mentally prepared myself for the big rejection, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. At the end of the week we fly from North Carolina to California, it’s not too much fun. Luckily, nobody loses their luggage or gets murdered. We get our fancy rental cars. Mines a mini car, a magnetic blue Toyota Yaris, which to me sounds like a woman’s birth control pill. “Honey have you had your Yaris today?” Warning! Yaris may cause: Vomiting, bloating, rash, insensibility, diarrhea, constipation, Lock Jaw, Night Sweats, Ambulation, Diaphoresis, and infertility in lab gerbils. Women who have a history of diabetes, awkward obscenity, hypertension, enuresis, and blotchy skin should consult a physician prior to consuming Yaris. Thank you for your time.

Oceanside California.

          The Harborsite Inn, at Camp Pendleton is a low slung cinder block complex. Looks like a low budget crime scene. The AC has been nonfunctional for the last decade or so, and there are no plans to repair it. My room smells like sweat pants. I open the windows and turn on the fan. I light a match, which helps a little. This place is strange, but at least I have my own room, privacy is an expensive commodity in the military. There’s no elevator and I’m perched high atop the 3^rd floor. Luckily, I have an excellent view of the Pacific Ocean. “Ocean in View, Oh the Joy!” – Lewis & Clark. The smell of the ocean is always fantastic and I’m enjoying every moment.